THE UPDATED LIST OF ********EUPHEMISMS FOR RECTAL FUNCTIONS!!!******** SECTION I. -- Euphemisms for DEFECATION SECTION II. -- Euphemisms for DIARRHEA SECTION III. -- Euphemisms for FARTING ****************************** I. Euphemisms for FECES =============================== 1. Bake a brownie 2. Bake a loaf 3. Bake a potato 4. Bake a russet 5. Barbarians at the gate 6. Big brown man knocking on the back door 7. Blow Mud 8. Bomb the Bowl 9. Build a dookie castle 10. Carpet bombing 11. Choke a brownie 12. Choke a darkie 13. Chop a log 14. Commit yourself to the dumpatorium 15. Conduct a movement 16. Cook a brown carrot 17. Cook a brown kielbasa 18. Cook a butt burrito 19. Cook a meat loaf in the porcelain saucepan 20. Cook some chocolate 21. Cook some fudge 22. Cook some sausage 23. Cook up a pot of anal stew 24. Crap 25. Curl some pipe 26. Debulk 27. Defecate 28. Disembowel 29. Disemfiber 30. Do the Royal Squat 31. Doo-doo 32. Download some brownware 33. Draw mud 34. Drill for mud bunnies 35. Drop 36. Drop Loggy Log 37. Drop Smokies (when camping in the winter) 38. Drop a bomb 39. Drop a brown trout 40. Drop a deuce 41. Drop a dookie 42. Drop a load 43. Drop a log 44. Drop a stool 45. Drop anchor 46. Drop the kids off at the lake/pool 47. Drop wolf bait 48. Drop your ordinance 49. Dump 50. Dump a stump 51. Enjoy a meatball sandwich 52. Evacuate 53. Fill the peanut butter jar 54. Float a trout 55. Give birth to a Marine 56. Give birth to a packy 57. Go Fecen' 58. Go into labor 59. Grow a Tail 60. Hatch a new boss 61. Hatch a new superintendent 62. Have a shit 63. Heave a Havana 64. Hit paydirt 65. Launch a Butt Shuttle 66. Launch a torpedo 67. Lay a brick 68. Lay a cable 69. Lay a log 70. Lay some cable 71. Load the crapper 72. Log out 73. Make a core dump 74. Make a delivery 75. Make a deposit 76. Make a deposit at the porcelain bank 77. Make a doo-doo 78. Make a log entry 79. Make grunt sculpture 80. Make mud 81. Make room for lunch 82. Make some fertilizer 83. Offload some freight 84. Pack your underwear 85. Paint the bowl (especially for a really wet one) 86. Paint with the brown stuff 87. Park some bark 88. Park your breakfast 89. People who like sausages shouldn't see how they're made!! 90. Pinch a loaf 91. Plant some corn 92. Play at the Toilet Bowl 93. Poke the turtle's head out 94. Poop 95. Punish the porcelain 96. Put fruit in the bowl 97. Recycle fiber 98. Release your payload 99. Ride the hoop 100. Roll a Nut Log 101. Roll a log 102. Saw off a log 103. Seek revenge for the Brown Bomber 104. Shake a brown bomber 105. Shit 106. Sink a link 107. Sink a sausage 108. Sink the Bismark 109. Sit on the bowl 110. Sit on the can 111. Sit on the throne 112. Sjvsdtta en barkbet (in Sweden) 113. Snap a log 114. Spray and wipe 115. Squat 116. Squeeze a coily 117. Squeeze a loaf 118. Squeeze one out 119. Squeeze the cheese 120. Stain the porcelain 121. Study at the Library 122. Taint the cloth 123. Take a "Schroeder" (or insert another familiar name) 124. Take a Doogie 125. Take a dump 126. Take a growler 127. Take a load off your mind 128. Take a shit 129. Take a steamer 130. Test the plumbing 131. Visit the toilet for a poo-poo 132. Void your bowels 133. Zap the porcelain II. Euphemisms for DIARRHEA =============================== 1. Agent Brown 2. Anal hot chocolate 3. Aztec two-step 4. Brew some hot chocolate 5. Brownie batter 6. Bud Mud 7. Bum Gravy 8. Chocolate splat 9. Chocolate surprise 10. Chocolate syrup explosion 11. Cook some hot fudge 12. Cook up a pot of anal gravy 13. Cook up a pot of anal stew 14. Drippy doo-doo 15. Hershey Squirts 16. Liquid Bummer 17. Liquid Doo 18. Liquid Satan 19. Liquid Shit 20. Lubricant (term used by homosexuals) 21. Montezuma's revenge 22. Nestle's Splat 23. Percolating butt coffee 24. Piss out of your ass 25. Piss rusty water out of your ass 26. Reagan's Revenge 27. Rectal hot chocolate 28. Rectal soup 29. Shilshul 30. Shit a flock of sparrows 31. Spam 32. The Schlitz 33. The Squirts 34. The chunky sputters 35. The runs 36. The shits 37. The trots 38. Trouser chili 39. Upside-down hot fudge sundae III. Euphemisms for FARTING =============================== 1. Anal Salute 2. Beep your horn 3. Blast the chair 4. Blat 5. Blow Mud 6. Blow the big brown horn 7. Bottom blast 8. Bottom burp 9. Break wind 10. Butt burp 11. Butt trumpet 12. Butt tuba 13. Buttock bassoon 14. Cut a stinker 15. Cut the cheese 16. Cut the wind 17. Drop a bomb 18. Fart 19. Flatulate 20. Flatulence 21. Float an air biscuit 22. Funky rollers 23. Gaseous intestinal by-products 24. HUMrrhoids 25. Honk 26. Let a Beefer 27. Let each little bean be heard 28. Mating call of the barking spider 29. Mexican jet propulsion 30. One-gun salute 31. Pass gas 32. Pass wind 33. Poot 34. Puff, the Magic Dragon! 35. Rebuild the ozone layer one poof at a time 36. Rectal honk 37. Rectal shout 38. Ripple Fart 39. Shoot the cannon 40. Singe the [noun] (e.g. carpet) 41. Step on a duck 42. The colonic calliope 43. The gluteal tuba 44. Toot your own horn 45. Trouser cough 46. Trouser trumpet